LET'S STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!

Hey everyone I know that I was supposed to have a vlog but I’m taking this time out to address the violence in the city. I was really trying not to take it there because it of course hurts everyone when you hear or see something. So today I was sitting at my Gramps house and my mom got a call that one of her best friend’s nephews got killed. I have only seen him a couple of times but I love her friend to pieces. She is such a genuine person and to know that someone is hurting and their family member a victim of senseless violence was taken at such an early age when he had never even began to see what life was about. I just want to know when does it stop? I am sure that this is going on in a lot of inner city’s but as a parent myself of only a five year old I worry sick for not only her but my little brother. At the end of the day we can’t keep our kids locked up no matter how much we want to. Who is to blame when a lot of parents to these children are probably working two jobs just to make it from month to month? Yeah, you have some parents who sit back and don’t say anything or are not all up in their kids business but you have others who are just as heart broken when they know that their child is the one behind taking a innocent life….what are we to do when our babies are simply killing one another? I used to think that I came from the strictest family on the planet of earth. My grandmother would call me ten times in one minute but I swear if I could just kiss and hug her and tell her “Grandma I get it….I understand and thank you for doing it.” I now know the fear that a parent have when the world will chew you up and spit you out. We can blame the media but at the end of the day it’s not their fault. It just hurts me to the core to know that people simply don’t care about life….it’s sad and frustrating. Our babies are our future and we’re losing them. Guns aren’t the problem…..not matter how we put it it’s the people behind the guns. Even my aunt which if you are reading and know my Auntie Patti she doesn’t play. She will say how she would be all in her kids business and in all honesty you have to be. With all that she has two sons who are doing great! I pray for my family safety everyday on their commute to and from work or school. I was really trying to stay away from writing this but I just want to know when is enough simply enough? When will it stop? When will mothers of innocent victims have to stop burying their babies? It’s a mother’s worse nightmare especially when they are working hard to make sure that their babies will be better off. I don’t know all the answers but I just want everyone out there to simply say a prayer because it definitely changes things. Pray for strength and understanding, for these kids to live and let live, and for these victims family to heal. Pray over your kids and hug them and love them tightly….don’t be afraid to be their parent because I am a living witness that if you are a parent first and friend last you will get better results. Kids say things but I promise you I commend my grandma, mom, aunts, and uncles for checking me. I commend them for it all because they loved me and they only wanted what was best. We have lost too many innocent babies to senseless killings and it breaks my heart every time I hear it as I know it does yours. So Chicagoans and anyone else from the inner cities pray….pray that things get better and that there can become some kind of peace here on earth.

Let's Be Friends!

Hey everyone I know my consistency has been kind of sucky but I am trying to do so much and I kind of been feeling myself a little overwhelmed. Everything is cool but I had to step back and get a few things together. Before I get into the topic for tonight I’m planning to do a vision board this weekend and I’m going to do a VLog about it. One of my friends made one and one of my cousins did so I’m thinking that it’s a pretty good way to get some inspiration and get a visual picture of those goals both long term and short term.

 

            Now the topic at hand is are you ever too old to categorize your friends? Meaning do you have certain friends who are in certain categories? I think at some time or another everyone goes through that phase. Where you know that some of your “friends” aren’t really on your level. These maybe the friends who are content with where they are and talking about goals and aspirations to them is like talking to a brick wall. But, on a different note when it comes to clubbing and going out to have a good time you know that you can definitely depend on them for those purposes only. Or you may have those friends who can call you and talk to you about everything that’s going on in their life but you can NEVER get them to give that listening ear because they are too busy once again taking the frustration that you have built up and talking only about their selves….pretty selfish right? Or the ones who know that you will always come through for them but you know asking them for anything is simply off limits. In all these things I’m basically saying when is it time to let go of those sometime people? Do you just keep them around for the small purposes that they do serve for you such as club hopping when no one else will. I think that we all go through those things but when do we cut them off? I guess I’m saying all this to say that no matter what dead weight is dead weight. I don’t have a lot of friends but the ones that I do have I value. Their more of family members. We can watch one another kids without a problem and pretty much do whatever needs to be done to make sure that at the end of the day we are all getting to where we are trying to be. We argue, we fuss, we get into it and don’t talk but it makes me love them that much more. I can be evil as hell some time but they know me so well. We can talk about anything and even if we’re wrapped up in our own lives for a little while picking up is never an issue. As women I think we can all vouch that we are sometime horrible to one another, so the friends that I have I appreciate and not only that the ones that I may have lost I appreciate them for that too because I learned that I’m better than that! So I hope that this helps you guys with some situation that you may have gone through or have gone through.

*REMEMBER NEXT WEEK IS MY VISION BOARD WITH A LITTLE MORE STUFF THAT I WANT TO SHARE. I HOPE THAT YOU ALL ARE BEING MOTIVATED AND ON A RIGHT PATH!!! LVOE YOU GUYS BE SAFE AND STAY WARM!!!!*

"Friendly Advice" Are You Really Adding Insult to Injury?

I hope everyone is enjoying their New Year and crossing off some of those goals off the list. I am overjoyed with the response that I got from the excerpt release and trust me the book will be well worth the wait! So this week I’m going to tackle some things on friends….we all have them. Some that we will go to the end and back for, give our left arm or give the best advice. So what happens when you and your bff are talking and you’re telling her about a problem that you’re having with your guy? Do you limit what you talk to her about with the fear that she is going to down you but not directly do it? Or do you let it out taking her opinion and either using it or saving it to piggy back on?

            Well I was on the train and I’m nosey as hell. I’m not even going to sit up here and lie. I will be listening to your entire convo and just laughing inside and utterly amazed. So anyway…I’m in my own world and these two girl in front of me were talking. The girl was telling her friend about how her and her boyfriend got into it over him dogging her basically. I mean she was into it. He had done some foul things but I’m guessing she was on the fence on if she should leave him or stay with him. Now no one likes to see their friends hurt or upset of course. But, what I didn’t like is outside of her giving her opinion which she did she seemed to not really leave well enough alone. You know it’s a way that you tell your friend that yeah you’re too good for that. Or even you deserve better. It’s a way that you say those things without adding insult to injury. So as they were talking she went on referring to her guy saying he will never do nothing like that to me….and I wouldn’t stick around for that $***. I mean yeah we do tend to stretch ourselves short when it comes to men. We do take a lot of b.s. from not wanting to start over or the fear of having to get accustomed to someone else’s b.s. Like I said we have all been there done that. But, as a friend is it okay to compare your relationship to your friends who is getting dogged? Is that being a real friend or is it low-key throwing shade? I was just sitting there listening trying to understand where it was okay that she felt like her man would NEVER cheat on her. I’m not saying all men cheat….because clearly I don’t know BUT as a friend I think that she should have left what she felt like her man would do out. She should have listened, empathized with her depending on how far the situation goes, and gave her encouraging words. Like I honestly felt like she wanted to say so much more but held her tongue. It kind of grinded my gears because I think at one point or another we have all been in that situation where someone was looking down at someone else’s situation. Like how do you take something like that? Do you have certain friends that you talk to about certain things? Do you just let it fly knowing that her opinion is just that? Do you take offense to it? I have been that girl where someone has done it to me and you will be surprised as to how things turn around and bite you in your ass! Be careful what pedestal you put a person on because when it comes crumbling down it hurts worst! You put these expectations in place and the person doesn’t hold up to them. Never say what you won’t stick around for because everybody plays the fool at one point or the other!

4 BETTER OR 4 WORSE EXCERPT RELEASE!!!!

ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! 4 BETTER OR 4 WORSE EXCERPT RELEASE CHAPTER 1!!! HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY BOO'S MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! IT'S LATE DUE TO MY DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY BUT I AM MAKING SURE TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO READ!!! LOVE YOU HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY AND PLEASE BE SAFE FOR THE HOLIDAYS!!!! ~LOVE BLOU

Chapter One: With You

          Back home and Kenya was so happy and comfortable in her own skin. Key West was everything and more. She needed the vacation….they needed the vacation. To get away from all of the madness that had gone on and to find their selves and get their bond right. She had been having a lot of doubts but Jackson reassured her that he was just as crazy over her as she was him. It felt great loving him and knowing he loved her back. In fact not only did he love her, he adored her. Her walk, smile, the way she wore her hair, and not to mention the fact that the girl had style for the both of them. She complimented him and he would have to be a very blind man to not realize that it was time to change and make better decisions. He had seen and done a lot of things but she was worth changing for. She stuck around when he gave her a million reasons to leave. She had been very loving, patient, understanding, and feisty all when he needed her to be. He had plenty of women but she had been the WOMAN!

          Turning on the air in the house and Kenya was ready to get showered. She was hot and sticky from the flight and not to mention the fact that they had walked in a sauna. Kenya went to run her a shower slowly peeling off articles of clothing as it got warm to her liking. She stepped inside and the water took control of her body giving her a nice massage. She took a deep breath closing her eyes. She was in bliss. With her eyes closed she let the scenes of love making play in her head over and over. Jackson had taken her there. He had done it! He whispered everything in her ear that she wanted and needed to hear. She would die before she lost him. She had planted her seeds and now she watched as they blossomed. He had her gone.

          After showering the house had finally cooled down. The sun had gone down and with her towel wrapped around her Kenya headed to the bedroom. She listened to her favorite girl in the world Monica as she brushed her hair. “Cause I love…..kickin it with you….me and you….gettin it on….so baby….slide a tape in boy…you know…play our song….chillin….ridin to the music….laid back low…when I’m with you,” she sang somewhere in her own world. She patted her hair dry then pulled it up into a bun. She sat on the bed and put on her lotion loving the silky feeling that it provided for her skin. She inhaled deeply continuing to rub it in. She slipped on some leopard boy shorts and a tank top and her slippers. It was already hitting on nine o’clock and Jackson hadn’t been upstairs yet. So she decided to go down to get him.

          Seeing him on the back and he stood smoking a blunt and looking at their backyard. Kenya went out behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah…you smell good,” he said putting the blunt out. He turned around looking down at her with that heavy gaze over his eyes. She was in love all over again. “Come on,” she said taking him by his hand. She led them upstairs and took control of him. She got him undressed and slowly ran her manicured hands over his chest. He loved when she took charge. She pushed him down on the bed and climbed on top straddling him. She gave him nice sweet kisses slowly making a trail down his abdomen. He looked at her biting his bottom lip. Kenya slowly pulled down his boxers revealing his manhood. She looked at it seductively biting her lip. She gave it a couple strokes slowly replacing her hand with her mouth. “Damn Ken,” Jackson said as the heaviness of his words and the fact that his gaze gave him all away. She knew the boy was in love. She went to work ready to bring him pleasure. She owned the bedroom and was always ready to give him the ride of his life. He slowly pulled her up ready to get deep inside of her. Jackson rolled them both over and for a minute he just stared at Kenya. He had done a lot and seen a lot and the fact that she was still there through it all he was gone be the best damn man he knew he could be. “I love you….you know that?” he asked slowly inserting himself in her. His eyes spoke it all. His eyes spilt his heart. “I love you more baby,” she moaned in his ear. He went as deep as she would possibly allow him to. She loved her some him. The boy had her head gone. The passion that he bought out in her was enough to keep her coming back for more. But the fact that she was watching him evolve and come so far made it that much more worth it. Jackson made Kenya feel like she was the only girl in the world because now she was to him and he wanted her to know that she had it hands down. Her body responded to him as if he were a fire work….it just exploded. Every time he gave it to her it was like the first time and she would do it again each time.

          The next morning Kenya was paralyzed and out of it. She could barely move. She heard Jackson moving around and as many times as she tried opening her eyes they just wouldn’t seem to open. She want to stay cooped up in bed all day but she knew that she had to get up and get ready for work. “Ken….I thought you said you had to go to the shop,” Jackson said. He was reading her mind.

“I do….just a few more minutes,” she said still half sleep. Her bed was so warm and she was so exhausted. “Come on baby….let’s go,” he said pulling the cover back exposing her naked body. She looked up at him the cool air hitting her. “You real funny,” she said finally opening her eyes. Jackson was getting dressed. She got up and slipped on her robe and went to run a shower. “Where you going anyway?” she asked.

“Make a couple moves….nowhere major.”

“Yeah it’s never nowhere major.”

“It’s not….I’ll be here later.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and headed out. Kenya went on to get her day started although she was really against it.

$$$

          Heading to the city and Jackson picked Rich up first. He was out and on a mission….a mission to hustle and hustle hard. “Yo nigga vacation over or what?” Rich asked hopping shot gun in his Hummer that was back in action.

“Yeah….you know it. Grind time nigga.”

“I’m always down for that,” Rich said. He lit the blunt that Jackson had already in his ashtray.

“I gotta make a stop first at Felix though.” Felix was their jeweler. The two had known him since they got in the game. They had copped their first piece of diamonds from him and had never seen anyone else since then. “Nigga ain’t nobody got time to be chasing no watch fetish. We got real shit to handle and I gotta be at the crib by six…I gotta go to Michelle mom’s birthday dinner,” Rich said.

“Nigga ain’t nobody chasing a watch fetish,” Jackson said as he took 290 to the loop. He was on some other shit. Some for better or for worse type shit. Some til death do us part.

          When they made into Rosci Diamond there were only a few costumers there. It was family owned and everyone knew both Jackson and Rich. “Jackson Rich…..my two main men,” Felix said coming from behind the counter. He was a short fast talking Italian. He was pretty clean cut and his jewelry was enough to light the room. “Wassup Felix man?” Rich said and he shook both their hand.

“Nothing…nothing. We gone go shoot some hoops or what? You always bullshittin….I’ll bust your ass and have your momma calling me daddy,” he joked. That was him and Rich they joked anytime they saw one another but it was all in fun and games. “Yo Felix you got that ready for me or what?” Jackson asked.

“You know I got you…you know I got you. I’m telling you. You’re going to make her a lucky lady,” Felix said. He took the two to his office closing the door. He went to his safe grabbing a box to come over and show Jackson. He took a seat and slowly opened the box staring at the beauty that looked in his eyes. HE turned it around for both Rich and Jackson to see and Jackson nodded his head liking what he saw. “A huned K….right there. I’m telling you before you even make it down the aisle you’re gonna be having two more kids off this ring along. If I’m lyin I’m flyin and as you can see I haven’t left my seat,” he said cocky. He knew the ring was the shit. He took pride in designing rings and right now he was holding it as his most prized possession. “This mothafucka is bad,” Jackson said taking the ring. He looked at it and it spoke volumes. It was so Ken. She didn’t ask for much but she deserved it all and he wasn’t going to come with no shorts. He gave Felix back the ring and let him get the paperwork together and then he and Rich were out.

          Back in Jackson’s Hummer and Rich wasn’t going to keep quiet about this. He was proud of him for taking the next step but he wanted to make sure he was on that because it was gone get real and he knew how Jackson could get. “Yo Jacks….you sure you ready for this shit?” Rich asked looking over at him.

“Yup….I know what I’m getting myself into and I’m on that. I know I did a lot been through a lot and a lot of people probably don’t think I can actually be with one woman but I’m ready. I didn’t do it because she have Jay, or because she put up with my bullshit or because she stuck around when I gave her a million reasons to leave. That’s just a extra bonus. I’m in love with that girl and I’m man enough to admit that she got my heart in her fucking pocket,” Jackson said. Rich was his homie…his brother…and he could tell him anything. “Well then my nigga…welcome to the club,” he said as they dapped out. He was proud of Jackson. He honestly never thought that anyone would live to see the day.

$$$

          After a long day in the shop and Kenya was over tired. Her feet were hurting and all she wanted to do was go home take a long bath and maybe have a couple glasses of champagne. She was beat. As she drove home she talked on the phone with Sweet Pea. Sweet Pea always seemed to have something going on. Now it was about Josie who had been her on again off again boo for four years. They were always down one another throats but could never be without one another. “He just gets on my damn nerve. Like you laughing but I’m so serious,” she said.

“Sweet Pea…..I wish that ya’ll would just get over it and get ya’ll shit together like forreal. Damn ya’ll been doing this shit for years. He mess with her you mess with him ya’ll se each other and ya’ll leave them to be together. Just put it out there,” Kenya said.

“Girl by….who you fooling. Speaking of the devil this him texting me. Hold on,” she said.

“Go ahead I’m pulling up to the house now. Call me in the morning.”

“Okay goodnight, love you.”

“Love you more chick.” Kenya ended the call and pulled into the garage. She grabbed her purse and headed inside. She could hear the sound of Donnell Jones Knocks Me Off My Feet and the smell of food lit her nostrils. The house was lit up from only the candle light and she immediately got nervous. This was something so new to her. “Am I in the right house,” she smiled when she saw Jackson.

“I think so,” he smirked giving her a kiss. She looked on the table and he had made a feast for a King and Queen. Crab legs, steak, seven layer salad, garlic bread and loaded potatoes. She was in heaven and not to mention a bottle of Dom Perignon. He was reading her damn mind. Kenya was unable to fathom the fact that he had done all of this for her. He pulled her chair out and let her sit then took his seat. He poured them both glass of Dom and she took a sip immediately to calm her nerves. She could feel that she was blushing from ear to ear. They made small talk as they ate but Kenya was way too full off the moment to really eat.

          After dinner and four glasses of champagne Kenya was good and tipsy. Her eyes low and Jackson led her upstairs. He had rose petals leading to their bedroom and candles lit to perfection. She looked on stopping when she saw the words Will You Marry Me spelled out in Rose Petals on the floor. She looked back at him and down on one knee Jackson took her hand in his first kissing it. He pulled out the ring and like he had rehearsed he asked her the million dollar question his heart beating a ten times the normal pace. He had never been so nervous in all his life. “Will you marry me Kenya?” he asked. She smiled tears coming down her face. Would she? Hell you she was going to! “Yes….of course,” she said as he slid the rock on her finger. It was everything and more and it was her. It was elaborate and it spoke volumes. She pulled him up kissing him passionately. He had done it his way and she honestly couldn’t ask for it any other way. They spent hours making sweet passionate love their relationship seemed to be like wine….it got better with time.

          The next day and Kenya woke up and with the rock and the previous night’s sexapade they boy deserved breakfast. She got up and went downstairs and made him a feast made for a king not missing a minute to give everyone a wake up text of a picture of her rock. Sweet Pea was the first to call. “You’re lying to me!” she squealed.

“No….I’m engaged bitches.”

“Aw shit you and Shay can have a double wedding!”

“Yeah…you wanna mess up a friendship tell her some shit like that. Shana ass will drop up like white on rice.”

“Yeah…this is bridezilla. I am so happy for you, I mean you really deserve it Ken.”

“Thanks babes. Let me call you back though.”

“Okay.” Kenya ended the call and scrambled some eggs as she heard Jackson up running his water. She had made pancakes, sausage, eggs, grits, and chocolate milk. She took the food upstairs and as expected Jackson was back in the bed watching ESPN Zone. “Damn….breakfast in bed? I need to propose every day,” he joked.

“Haha very funny.” She took a seat joining him. They ate together and Kenya got the house back in order and got dressed to go get Jay. He had been with TiTI and Nana way to long. She missed him. “Make sure your dressed around eight. I’m going to take you out tonight to celebrate,” Jackson said. She nodded as he gave her a kiss and headed out.

          Finally dressed in a simple BCBG Max Azaria romper and Tory Burch flip flops Kenya was pulling up to TiTi house to get Jay. They sat on the porch eating snow cones from the candy store down the block. “Look who’s here. Where’s mommy big baby….come give me all your kisses Jackson,” Kenya said to Jay who was in his walker. He heard her voice and went crazy. She walked up the stairs and went over to grab him. She planted kisses all over his chubby cheeks. Nana and TiTi sat on the swing looking on. It was a nice day to sit out and enjoy the end of summer air. “You know what we want to see,” TiTi said as Kenya sat in a nearby chair. She held her hand out and they looked on in awe. They were very happy for her. “It’s beautiful for a beautiful girl,” Nana said kissing Kenya cheeks.

“Thanks Nana,” she smiled.

“Lord two down and two more to go….Autumn and Sweet Pea. I always said those two were going to be the last two,” TiTi laughed. She had said it since they were younger that Sweet Pea and Autumn would marry last. “It’s beautiful Kenya. Now since you always said you wanted a destination wedding I was thinking maybe Rio de Janeiro or St. Lucia.”

“I don’t know TiTi….we got time to plan. We not getting married tomorrow.”

“Well why put off for tomorrow what you can do today,” she said. They all laughed. They were overly excited. They talked for hours about wedding talk and it only made Kenya that much more excited to get things started.

          When they got in later that evening Kenya bathed Jay and dressed him in a all-white Gucci linen short set and on his feet a fresh white pair of air force ones. He was out like a light before she could get him clothes completely. She showered and decided on a black double split maxi skirt, a red crop top, and on her feet she rocked six inch studded peep toe Louboutin spiked silver heels. She pulled her hair into a bun and did very soft makeup. She looked absolutely flawless. She honestly couldn’t ask for more. She was happy and healthy and that was all that mattered.

          As eight o’clock approached Kenya tried calling Jackson. She hadn’t talked to him all day and he hadn’t even come in to change. She didn’t get a answer and figuring that maybe he was just being a little late she didn’t sweat it until it got later and later and Jay grew hungry and fussy. By nine she had fixed him something to eat and got him dressed for bed. She had called Jackson back to back but all to no avail. She lay with Jay on her chest watching as the clock struck ten. She was in a mix of emotions not knowing if she should be pissed or worried. The phone ringing snapped her out of her trance. She looked over and it was Rich calling the house phone. She knew that something was wrong. Rich never ever called the house phone. “Hello,” she answered placing the phone up to her ear.

“Wassup Ken,” he said.

“Rich….” She began uneasy.

“He got knocked….he told me to call to let you know,” he said. Her heart sunk. She was grateful that he was okay but here it was it hadn’t even been a good twenty four hours and already shit was brewing…this was the life she was taking on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!!!

Hey everyone hope that you all are enjoying the preparation for the holidays!!! It’s stressful for a lot of us and we’re trying to make sure that everything gets done especially for Christmas. So as we’re in our last stretch of 2013 what are some of the things you want to get accomplished in 2014? I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions a long time ago. I have already had the chance to evolve and meet new people who have supported me so there is no room for me to say that I’m eliminating anyone in my life who is hindering me or don’t mean me any good. As I have grown older I find myself wondering why we wait or put off for tomorrow what can be done today….I mean just being honest here. Why wait until a few weeks later to cut someone off. Or why wait a few weeks from now to start on your business plan, or whatever else you’re trying to do. I mean you can be a little closer if we don’t wait. It seems that’s all I’m seeing now. In 2014 I’m doing this or I’m doing that….we still got a little time to make 2013 a little life changing. Now don’t get me wrong I have set a few goals for myself but my main thing is to get them accomplished. If I can cross a couple of them off the list within a week that would be great but like I said I’m trying to get them started. I have learned to start off with the short term goals first then make the stretch to the long term goals….I see more and more that failure is not a option and it’s time to make it happen. We all have the same 24 hours in our day and some of us make a stretch staying awake all night just to get that next chapter in our book done, or get that verse covered on a track. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to get a little closer but I see that the sacrifice is way worth it. It’s worth it to be a little closer to something in my eyes. We have so many more opportunities that we should chase and that’s what I plan to do. So for me and everyone reading I hope and pray that our 2014 is way more prosperous, joyous, and full of achieved goals. Start now and you never know how much closer that may put you. As for me I’m just over here working on a couple books, my first movie script, looking for film producers, saving money and enjoying life. Your best investment can be in yourself so let’s go and make it happen.  I hope that you guys enjoy your Christmas and tune in next week I have a special….special….special surprise for you!!!

Facing Fears!

Hey everyone I hope you all enjoyed your holidays! Due to a few technical difficulties I couldn’t post last week but I’m bacccckkkkk!!!!! So this week my topic is FEAR!!! We all have fears whether it’s from simple things or more complex. Being fearful of something is probably one of the biggest obstacles that can very well stand in-between you and what you are trying to accomplish. As I have grown older I have learned more and more each day that you simply can’t let your fears stand in-between you and what you are trying to do. For instance I’m going to open up about some of my fears. One big fear of mine has always been rejection. I used to would honestly say well…..I’m not going to do this because no one may like it or people may push it to the side. It was pretty simple minded because as long as you tell yourself yes then the no’s shouldn’t matter. I guess at some point we all play victim to our own harsh criticism. I learned that my vision is something that is MINE! Not anyone else’s and it’s up to you to get it done. I look back on how I use to be more of a safe player and I realize that risk and being more edgy is what gets you what you want. I’m not there yet but I know I’m on my way. Another bigger fear of mine is probably going to be failure. Sometimes we all dream so big and have this long list of things we are trying to get accomplished that you think it is just way too much for you to do. I often thought that some of the things that I thought about were beyond me!! For example I’m finishing up the final touches on my book that will be released early 2014 and my main goal is to make this thing bigger than ever. I set expectations for myself and that’s what I plan to reach. I try being reasonable but how can you be reasonable when you know what you are capable of or what you desire to be. It’s a major difference between simply sitting and talking about your dreams and you slowly opening the doors to live them out. I don’t think about failing others I think about failing myself. I never want to be that person who sits back and watch what’s happening then have to boggle my mind on why it’s that way. I never want to be that. I know that everything has to be done through trial and error. You’re going to make mistakes and you’re going to fall down more times than one. I get all of that. They say if your dreams don’t scare you then you’re not dreaming big enough….I guess I say that to simply say we all have fears. I try not to let mine stand in my way at all. I know that I’m going to do things and realize that I probably should have done it differently. I’m learning to be self-motivated. I have a great support system no doubt but no matter what you still have your own battles that you fight within yourself. It’s no such thing as no…..as long as you tell yourself yes that’s all that count. We can’t let our fears talk us down from our dreams. So I hope that this reached someone and we all get started accomplishing what we set out to do. It’s nothing like the overwhelming feeling of seeing your dreams come true. That’s the best achievement ever. LET’S NOT PUT OFF FOR 2014 FOR WHAT WE CAN START NOW!!!! It’s time!!!

It's a Love Hate Thing!!!!

So today we’re going to talk about recovery after the heartbreak. As I discussed in my debut blog how I went through my very first real heartbreak and now what about the aftermath? Some women are ready and willing to move on after their “recovery period” and see what’s next in their future while others…myself included are on pause. Meaning we don’t really know what we want and how we want to go about it because we DO NOT want to feel that pain again. It’s a pain that is so indescribable but it hurts. So most of us have our guards up and we go with this long list of things that the next man we encounter can or can’t be. I was talking to one of my friends and I feel like I’m a pretty reasonable person and she went on to tell me about what she was expecting and how she didn’t want to be that chick who was basically looking for love in all the wrong places. Going from relationship to relationship without actually learning nor gaining anything. I mean by now we should all know that we can’t make a guy be who we want them to be but we can choose who we want to give our time to. So anyway….we were talking and she went on to tell me how she basically try not to get too close to guys so that she won’t have to worry about being hurt if things go left field. Which like I said….it’s simply unreasonable. We all know the purpose of dating is to get to know people and see what we like and dislike and enjoy ourselves in this learning process. It’s funny how one person can change the way most women view all men. But me on the other hand I’m up for dating but my main thing is the fact that I’m going through this journey and I’m finding myself….a lot of me feel like I want to invest this time in me but what happens when a guy come along who you’re really feeling? I know that all things are meant to be but where does the line get drawn? How can you take the experiences from your past relationship and not bring them into your future ones? As hard as it is to believe it’s true….not all men are alike just like not all women are! There are still some genuine people out here in the world who do aspire to bring out the best in you….I mean it may take some time but maybe all hope doesn’t have to be lost! I’m learning to appreciate the trials and tribulations now because who knows what the future may hold…..We all want the rainbow but no one wants the rain. So it’s okay to have boundaries and limits….just make sure in the process your being realistic. Surround yourself with the people who bring out the best in you….the signs are always evident but a lot of times we look past them because we don’t want to let go or we don’t want to lose all the time we feel like we have invested…starting over sometimes is the best thing to do. It’s hard but sometimes it’s the best….